Lotta of great news from last month. Diving in seems the best way to get to the bottom of things. However, the foggy fright fest outside the window is so tempting, and I haven’t been away from the keyboard in too long… eh, one last round won’t hurt. Silent Hill: Chicago can wait.
December featured some fabulous assignments. One article I jokingly pitched to my editor revolved around Jaws IV: The Revenge. Easily the worst film in the franchise, this time the colossal shark killed its own line of films. On the one hand, that means studios stopped trying to capitalize on the name. Imagine for one horrifying moment if moviemakers were still cranking out straight-to-streaming knockoffs of the classic like cinematic cousins no one cares to see at the family reunion. Although I am a fan of bad horror movies, I don’t think Jaws 18: Bayou Bite would’ve been any better than a flick like Sewer Gators.
That said, I started out pitching an article in order to jokingly explore the Die Hard inspired logic of what constitutes a Christmas movie. After all, Jaws IV takes place at Giftmas, and the holiday is a motivating factor in certain character choices. However, I spun away from that to do a scene analysis of the opening. Basically, I breakdown how the opening to the film is pretty solid. Aspiring creature feature crafters would do well to take notes on setting up a monster without revealing too much. Plus, I personally find it absolutely horrifying. Though the other side of the coin is that the expectations it establishes make the quick downturn in quality all the more disappointing.
Jaws: The Revenge Has One Redeemable Moment | Film Obsessive
That said, I started out pitching an article in order to jokingly explore the Die Hard inspired logic of what constitutes a Christmas movie. After all, Jaws IV takes place at Giftmas, and the holiday is a motivating factor in certain character choices. However, I spun away from that to do a scene analysis of the opening. Basically, I breakdown how the opening to the film is pretty solid. Aspiring creature feature crafters would do well to take notes on setting up a monster without revealing too much. Plus, I personally find it absolutely horrifying. Though the other side of the coin is that the expectations it establishes make the quick downturn in quality all the more disappointing.
Jaws: The Revenge Has One Redeemable Moment | Film Obsessive
Reviews got into gear straight away. December is usually a dead month for cinema. Due to the holidays, there isn’t a strong audience turnout, and studios tend to drop a lot of their award-oriented features. The blockbuster season is long over leaving few standout pictures they expect to draw big bucks. To an extent, the general public kind of understands this, so December becomes a weak month as far as films. That said, it wasn’t a nightmare going to the olde picture show.
I kicked off the month reviewing Chick Run: Dawn of the Nugget. A big fan of the first film—I looked forward to seeing the sequel. Though I can’t say the follow-up surpassed its predecessor, this turned out to be entertaining enough. One thing I didn’t mention in my proper review, though, is that insomnia was working me over pretty hard that week. Consequently, at one point, I slipped into unconsciousness for five minutes. Perhaps that says something negative about the movie, but I blame myself more. I ought to have caffeinated better beforehand. As such, I left out any mention for fear it would imply more boredom than I experienced.
Chick Run: Dawn of the Nugget is a good picture, especially for families. Kids will likely enjoy it, and parents won’t feel entirely unentertained. For a better breakdown of what worked and what didn’t, follow the link.
Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget Is Underdone | Film Obsessive
I kicked off the month reviewing Chick Run: Dawn of the Nugget. A big fan of the first film—I looked forward to seeing the sequel. Though I can’t say the follow-up surpassed its predecessor, this turned out to be entertaining enough. One thing I didn’t mention in my proper review, though, is that insomnia was working me over pretty hard that week. Consequently, at one point, I slipped into unconsciousness for five minutes. Perhaps that says something negative about the movie, but I blame myself more. I ought to have caffeinated better beforehand. As such, I left out any mention for fear it would imply more boredom than I experienced.
Chick Run: Dawn of the Nugget is a good picture, especially for families. Kids will likely enjoy it, and parents won’t feel entirely unentertained. For a better breakdown of what worked and what didn’t, follow the link.
Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget Is Underdone | Film Obsessive
Around then I benefitted from the “for your consideration” discs I started getting from studios. First off, still new to being a proper movie review, press affiliations and such, I didn’t know to expect these things. When they first began arriving in the mail, I initially got a bit paranoid. For instance, imagine receiving a medium size box without warning. You know you haven’t ordered anything online, and although it's possible one of your friends may have sent you a secret gift, there’s always that paranoid tickle worrying some bitter ex just sent a box of horseshit… maybe a glitter bomb with a touch of anthrax.
Oddly enough, it’s when things start getting that ridiculous—despite storing the notion away for future fiction—you open the box. Inside is an assortment of discs in phenomenal packaging not meant for anyone but the critics who’ll see these for-your-consideration releases. And interestingly, some of the films inside aren’t available for viewing anywhere yet.
That’s how I got to see Ferrari before the film hit theaters, streaming, press screeners, etc. I just wish it’d been a better movie. Though there are a few solid pieces, Penelope Cruiz certainly being one, none of it adds up to a compelling whole. Ferrari is like someone got all the best parts for an engine but didn’t know how to assemble them into something stellar.
Ferrari Slips a Gear | Film Obsessive
Oddly enough, it’s when things start getting that ridiculous—despite storing the notion away for future fiction—you open the box. Inside is an assortment of discs in phenomenal packaging not meant for anyone but the critics who’ll see these for-your-consideration releases. And interestingly, some of the films inside aren’t available for viewing anywhere yet.
That’s how I got to see Ferrari before the film hit theaters, streaming, press screeners, etc. I just wish it’d been a better movie. Though there are a few solid pieces, Penelope Cruiz certainly being one, none of it adds up to a compelling whole. Ferrari is like someone got all the best parts for an engine but didn’t know how to assemble them into something stellar.
Ferrari Slips a Gear | Film Obsessive
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom offered the promise of comic book escapism. At the preview, I saw several people dressed in ways implying giddy anticipation. Some folks in attendance looked like comic con attendees wearing their best Aquaman apparel. No one came in full cosplay, but anyone uncertain what was screening would be able to venture a safe guess. This was one of those screeners where critics and the public comingled; the studio no doubt hoping the joyful crowd would influence reviewers. When it comes to horror movies and comedies, that tactic can work well.
Unfortunately, this lackluster last chapter in the DC cinematic universe closed the book quietly. The sad fan with slumped shoulders defeatedly dragging his modest trident out of the theaters says it all. I couldn’t shake the feeling all involved knew this was going nowhere, so instead of ending on a high note, cast and crew phoned it in for a fat paycheck—exit ocean right. Although not unwatchable, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is one of those movies that constantly suggests it could’ve been better. Like a lot of sequels, it also has the main character seem to learn nothing from either the previous film or over the course of this one. Perhaps that’s a personal pet peeve, but it annoys me as a storyteller when narratives that’re clearly following the hero’s journey don’t lead to any personal growth.
(Not every story needs to be a tale of personal growth. Sometimes exploring character flaws can be interesting. Several 70s flicks like Five Easy Pieces do just that. But comic book movies are about aspiring to be the best version of ourselves, so when characters don’t grow it seems like missing the point.)
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom Swims in Satisfying Shallows | Film Obsessive
Unfortunately, this lackluster last chapter in the DC cinematic universe closed the book quietly. The sad fan with slumped shoulders defeatedly dragging his modest trident out of the theaters says it all. I couldn’t shake the feeling all involved knew this was going nowhere, so instead of ending on a high note, cast and crew phoned it in for a fat paycheck—exit ocean right. Although not unwatchable, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is one of those movies that constantly suggests it could’ve been better. Like a lot of sequels, it also has the main character seem to learn nothing from either the previous film or over the course of this one. Perhaps that’s a personal pet peeve, but it annoys me as a storyteller when narratives that’re clearly following the hero’s journey don’t lead to any personal growth.
(Not every story needs to be a tale of personal growth. Sometimes exploring character flaws can be interesting. Several 70s flicks like Five Easy Pieces do just that. But comic book movies are about aspiring to be the best version of ourselves, so when characters don’t grow it seems like missing the point.)
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom Swims in Satisfying Shallows | Film Obsessive
Reviewing for the month ended on a romcom. Normally, I don’t mind the subgenre. Watching Anyone but You almost changed my mind. While hardly the worst romcom I’ve ever seen, this movie is an insult to the intellect on a level that shocked me. Viewing it, I was shocked to realize it’s supposed to be based on Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. Something I put together while watching due to a blundered effort to make it somehow simultaneously subtle and overt.
Before accusations of snobbery ensue, Shakespeare wrote a few uninteresting plays. I’m looking at you Henry VIII and Two Gentlemen of Verona. And anyone who isn’t a fan is welcome to the opinion. But this idiotic adaptation features neck breaking oscillations between juvenile humor and witless gags that constantly fall flat. Whatever charm the leads are able to squeeze out of the mediocre material isn’t enough to lift this drowning bird. What’s worse, it started out solidly which is the most frustrating kind of failure—the letdown that seemed like it could’ve been good.
Anyone but You: All Wits Go Halting Off | Film Obsessive
Before accusations of snobbery ensue, Shakespeare wrote a few uninteresting plays. I’m looking at you Henry VIII and Two Gentlemen of Verona. And anyone who isn’t a fan is welcome to the opinion. But this idiotic adaptation features neck breaking oscillations between juvenile humor and witless gags that constantly fall flat. Whatever charm the leads are able to squeeze out of the mediocre material isn’t enough to lift this drowning bird. What’s worse, it started out solidly which is the most frustrating kind of failure—the letdown that seemed like it could’ve been good.
Anyone but You: All Wits Go Halting Off | Film Obsessive
Finally, my Film Obsessive writing came to a close typing a retrospective about The Sting. This Best Picture winner from 1973 has always been one of my favorites. It’s in my assortment of films I watch once a year. No need for more than that. And at risk of admitting to a certain laziness, I was about to throw it on screen around then anyway. Might as well kill two birds with one stone as the old saying goes—watch a beloved film then write about it.
This retrospective covers plenty of ground regarding the production. Along the way are details about why the score uses ragtime despite that being historically inaccurate as well as how important it is to have a solid vision before production. The Sting is a classic for a reason, and with any luck, this article reminds folks why that’s the case and maybe, if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s time to give it a watch.
Fifty Years Later, The Sting Still Sticks | Film Obsessive
This retrospective covers plenty of ground regarding the production. Along the way are details about why the score uses ragtime despite that being historically inaccurate as well as how important it is to have a solid vision before production. The Sting is a classic for a reason, and with any luck, this article reminds folks why that’s the case and maybe, if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s time to give it a watch.
Fifty Years Later, The Sting Still Sticks | Film Obsessive
The biggest news in December for me was the publication of Dead Letters: Episodes of Epistolary Horror. I’ve been mentioning it for some time now. Well, the anthology is available on Amazon at last. Reviews have been good so far, and at one point we were #9 on some sort of horror sales list. This is an excellent collection of terrifying tales. My own chiller “Queen of this Carnival Creation” is one of those stories I loved writing. It took a while to find a home for this piece, but if it was going to live anywhere, I’m glad it’s here.
Amazon.com: Dead Letters: Episodes of Epistolary Horror eBook : Files, Gemma, Publishing, Crystal Lake, Barb, Patrick, Henriques, Sandra, Stewart, Gregg, Allec, Justin, Jiang, Ai, Rosenberg, Zachary, Miranda, G. Nicholas, Madden, T.T. , Hogan, Liam, B. White, Gordon, Ruth Verona, Emily, M. Blake, Amanda, Reiher, Nat, McCarthy, J.A.W. , Toucher, Kyle, Leonard, Colin, Lagoe, Red, Rohr, J., Wilder, Christina, Mohr, Jacob Steven: Kindle Store
Amazon.com: Dead Letters: Episodes of Epistolary Horror eBook : Files, Gemma, Publishing, Crystal Lake, Barb, Patrick, Henriques, Sandra, Stewart, Gregg, Allec, Justin, Jiang, Ai, Rosenberg, Zachary, Miranda, G. Nicholas, Madden, T.T. , Hogan, Liam, B. White, Gordon, Ruth Verona, Emily, M. Blake, Amanda, Reiher, Nat, McCarthy, J.A.W. , Toucher, Kyle, Leonard, Colin, Lagoe, Red, Rohr, J., Wilder, Christina, Mohr, Jacob Steven: Kindle Store
And that’s it for the December roundup. I hope the best or as close as possible is happening to you and yours. As the Norwegians might say, up and not crying. Meanwhile, stay safe, keep weird, and remember if you build a snowman around a fire hydrant it’s not your fault when some asshole breaks something trying to knock it down. Cheers!
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